9 easy steps to throwing a simple and stress-free child party

Blake turned five a couple of days ago and after coming straight off of a busy basketball season and family road trip to the state playoffs, I ended up throwing him a last-minute super-simple kid party. It was fun and perfect for him!

Here's how you can do it too!

Step 1: send out a quick email invite to six little friends five days before the proposed party and hope for the best that a few can make it.

Thank your lucky stars when everyone can.

Step 2: pick an easy theme, let's say "basketball", or anything else that means you can make a round cake without having to cut it into weird shapes or use artistic decorating skills that you simply don't have.

Step 3: throw up a few streamers and balloons and call it a day.

Or, if you really want to go fancy, use a circle punch and some construction paper and make a bunting using your daughter's knitting yarn and a hot glue gun, preferably while watching American Idol the night before the party. 

Step 4: Once the party guests arrive, play a couple of easy party games, awarding bubblegum to the winners and a Starburst candy to everyone else.

Step 5: let everyone climb on top of daddy because that's always a fun thing to do.

Step 6: Time to open gifts! If you can, keep them simple... five-year-olds are easy to please. A new outfit and some play men? Major hits.

Step 7: immediately move to cake and ice cream sandwiches with a side of Tang, or whatever drink mix you already have in your cupboard.

Step 8: send everyone outside to play for the remaining half hour of the party while your husband quickly cleans up the relatively small mess inside.

Step 9: hand out goody bags to guests as they leave and pat yourself on the back. You just threw the easiest birthday party in the world :)

How to shop yourself to death - a tutorial

Haven't seen a tutorial around here in a while have you? Well let me remedy that!

Step 1. Plan a supply shopping trip the day before a large event that you are in charge of (say like... hmmm... Scrap Around the Clock for example) and decide to couple it with your own grocery shopping because it's payday and you want your tank of gas to last more than TWO DAYS for goodness sake. 

2. Prepare to leave at 8 am when your kids go to school and be back by 2:30 pm when they're out so that you can have an afternoon at home, and possibly a nap, before having to go back down to the school at 6:30 pm for the set up of said event. 

3. Leave your house at 8:40 am and congratulate yourself on being less than an hour behind schedule. Well done you!

4. Drop your three year old off at your parent's house so your Mom can watch him while you shop and visit for half an hour. 

5. Then stop by the school on your way by and visit with your sister for 10 minutes. 

6. Officially leave for shopping at 9:45 am, making the 35 minute drive up into town.

7. Stop for gas.

8. Stop at the bank. 

9. Stop for a 16 oz single shot extra sweet coconut white mocha with no whip. Or any coffee really, whatever floats your boat.

10. Run into JoAnn's Fabric to quickly browse their scrapbooking section for sales and lose a half hour of your life. 

11. Dash into Walmart for scrapbook table coverings, calling your best friend (who is also out shopping) on your way inside, and plan to meet in one hour for lunch, which is when you guesstimate you'll be done with Walmart, Dollar Tree, and the local scrapbook store.

12. Run into your sister-in-law. Visit.

13. Run into your other sister-in-law. Visit some more.

14. Come across your church's childrens pastors. Laugh at the coincidence of running into so many people you know and discuss topics like Easter gifts and funny pranks before finally parting ways.

15. Realize that it's been an hour and you are STILL inside Walmart. Shake your head at yourself and prepare to call your friend to cancel lunch, only to receive a text from her at that exact moment saying that she's running behind and better not stop to eat. Smile as you are reminded once again why you are best friends.

16. Finish your scrap supply shopping and finally begin grocery shopping at 1:30 pm. Oh yes, you've long realized you'd never have made it back to get your kids by 2:30 pm and have already made arrangements to have your sister grab them and take them to your mom's. Also known as the saint above all saints.

17. Get a call from another friend, who's car has broken down while she's out shopping, and agree to go try and help. MAKE YOUR WAY BACK TO WALMART. And grab a Subway sandwich inside because it's now 3:00 pm and you're starving.

18. Leave Walmart for the second time in one day at 3:30 pm, glad that your friend is back on the road in a working vehicle once again (no help to you sadly, but at least you were there for moral support) and head to your last planned stop of the day: Costco. 

19. Discover that Costco will not refill the printer ink pack that your sister sent with you so that she could have her printer working at tomorrow's Scrap Around the Clock and call her to let her know. Find out that her only other option is the Office Max store BACK UP THE ROAD ACROSS THE STREET FROM WALMART and resignedly offer to go there so she doesn't have to drive all the way up into town for one single errand herself.

20. Finally arrive back at your parents house to pick up your children at 5:40 pm, almost 8 1/2 HOURS AFTER YOU LEFT. Jet it back home to unload and shove groceries into your refrigerator before leaving again in 25 minutes flat to set up for the big event you're in charge of. Kiss your husband hi and bye as you rush past him.

21. Spend the next 2 1/2 hours transforming a gymnasium into a 24-hour scrap retreat room worth marveling over and try to look alive and alert as you begin to CEASE PROPER BRAIN FUNCTION.

22. Arrive back home at 9:00 pm, sore and exhausted, and crash. Literally. Who left groceries all over the kitchen for Pete's sake?

And that's how you do it folks. You might not truly be dead but I can guarantee you will feel like it!

What I Wore Wednesday - a belly hiding tutorial

Yesterday morning as I was helping Blake (my almost 3 yr old) get dressed, he leaned over and wrapped his arms around my neck and said "I wuv you Mom". Melted my heart. 

Then he pulled back, patted my tummy and said "Hey, you's got a big belly!" Why thank you, son. Nothing like a healthy dose of reality to start the day off right.

Enter the cardigan. Perfect for hiding any slight belly issues! Here are my tricks...

Wednesday

(cardy #1... wrap and belt it for full coverage)

wrap sweater: Kohl's

belt: rummage sale

skinny jeans: Target

boots: Costco

hat: don't remember

necklace: Sariejune

 Thursday

(jackets also do the trick, as do tunic tops when it's not freezing outside!)

tunic shirt: Ross

jacket: Walmart

skinny jeans: Target

boots: Costco

scarf: Old Navy

hat: still don't remember

 Friday

(cardy #2 + a high waisted & belted full skirt)

tank: Shade

cardigan: Old Navy

skirt: Gap - Goodwill

belt: yard sale

leggings and boots: Walmart

necklace: Fred Meyers

Saturday

(cardy #3  + a loose flowy top... hides the belly & the hips!)

top: Dress Barn

cardigan: Old Navy

skinny jeans: Target

boots: Walmart

necklace: Wet Seal
bracelet & earrings: Claire's

 Sunday

(cardy #4 + another belted high waist skirt)

ruffle top: Goodwill

cardigan: Old Navy

skirt/belt: Maurice's

leggings: Walmart

boots: from a friend

necklace: Claire's

Monday

(cardy #5 + a belted shirtdress)

dress: Charlotte Russe

cardigan: Target

leggings and boots: Walmart

belt: from my Maurice's skirt

flower pin: Sariejune

And there you have it. Find my belly now, Blake!

Side note: I just realized that in the above 6 pictures I am wearing the same single pair of leggings and skinny jeans every single day. Obviously when I focus on one thing I completely let go of another.

I'm linking to The Pleated Poppy - check out more "What I Wore" bloggers there!

What to do when you're sick - a tutorial

Notes from this past Tuesday...

1. Raid your husband's dwindling prescription pseudoephedrine and mentally curse all meth users for causing it be taken off the market because it's the only decongestant that works on your nose. 

2. Attempt to start your day with purpose but give up on the idea of actually achieving anything by 10:00 am and climb back in bed for the first nap of the day. 

3. Remember the old adage: "feed a cold" and raid your children's candy stash, taking all the good chocolate.

4. Catch up on The Amazing Race.

5. Catch up on Survivor.

6. Let your kids park in front of the TV, convincing yourself that endless hours of cartoons and Wii Lego Batman can't do that much harm. 

7. Wander around your home staring at all the housework that should be done before climbing back into bed for your second nap of the day. 

8. When your husband calls to tell you that he tweaked his neck at work and can barely turn it, pretend to empathize for at least 5 seconds before explaining that your head HAS EXPLODED and you are the one that needs feeling sorry for.

9. Put a bra on, it's almost 5:00 pm. 

10. Take off your bra, it's almost 8:00 pm, thank heavens!

11. At bedtime, explain to your children that bible time is not going to happen because Daddy's away coaching a basketball game and  "mommy's brain is zapped".

12. Explain the meaning of "zapped".

13. Unwittingly demonstrate the meaning of "zapped" by walking into the wall as you turn to leave the kids' room.

14. Curl up in front of the fire and watch past seasons of Monk on Netflix, nursing your bruised ego and eating half a dozen or so Lil' Cuties (seedless mandarins) and drinking a cup or 3 of white hot chocolate. Mmmmm, almost makes up for being sick :)


Difficulty level: amazingly easy, would you believe it?!

How to frustrate me - a tutorial

1. Put a cute little movie clipboard symbol in blogger (where I am blogging) that says "insert a video" when you scroll over it, making me want to find a video clip on my computer to upload so I can try it out.
2. Fail to upload the video clip of my cutest ever 4 month old nephew Elijah "talking" to me, over and over and over and over and over until I give up and blog about my missing bra, which is not exactly a stellar replacement (and is still missing by the way).
3. Show me "Vimeo" as a suitable video hosting choice in my google search for an alternate way to add my clip and make it super easy to register and get started.
4. But then take 45 minutes to upload my 1 minute video.
5. And then take 20 minutes to "convert" it.
6. And then tell me that the video upload "failed".
7. With zero explanation of why.

Look at that - only 7 easy steps and you're done! I am officially frustrated.

Well fine then, I won't try to broaden my blogging horizons and add a video clip.

At least not tonight. Because while I was waiting a tediously long amount of time for my video to upload, unsuccessfully, I started watching the movie "Deja Vu" and am now officially sucked in.

Gotta go!

How to set yourself up for weight loss (and financial) disaster

A Tutorial:

1. Grocery shop for a two week time period, forgetting that a 4 day camping trip will occur half way through the two weeks.
2. Panic when you realize that you did not specifically shop for said camping trip and now don't know what to bring for snacks.
3. Mentally lecture yourself for never leaving over any extra grocery money for emergencies - specifically, camping emergencies.
4. Decide to be frugal and creative and bake snacks.
5. Discover that your husband has used up all the eggs, leaving the empty shells in the carton in the fridge as a cruel, cruel ruse.
6. Run to the store to buy eggs.
7. Take 3 children with you (THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP)
8. Get wildly sidetracked by 3 children in a grocery store and mysteriously purchase $40 worth of groceries.
9. Mentally lecture yourself for your lack of self-control.
10. Procrastinate baking till well after dinner.
11. Put the kids in front of a movie before bedtime and begin making banana bread, adding the flour last.
12. Discover that you are down to your last dregs of flour and are 1/2 a cup short.
13. Mentally lecture yourself for being such an airhead not thoroughly checking your ingredients before shopping that afternoon.
14. Shrug shoulders and finish bread anyway, putting children (and tired husband) to bed while it bakes. 
15. Pull bread out of the oven as your family is dropping off to sleep, leaving you all alone with it's heavenly fresh-baked aroma tempting you while you sit at the computer.
16. Decide you better "check" bread to see if the lack of the proper amount of flour affected anything.
17. Congratulate yourself that it turned out AWESOME!
18. Eat 1/3 of a loaf. By yourself. 
19. Mentally lecture yourself for your lack of self-control. 
20. Take one last taste before heading off to bed, but not before hiding the 1/2 eaten loaf.

Difficulty level: expert. Expert at what exactly, I choose not to discuss.