Monday Confessional - the new phone

I would say this is a cautionary tale, except I don't think anyone else would be dumb enough to need cautioning on what I'm about to share.

Behold, my beautiful new cell phone. Russ and I just replaced our 3 year old phones as a belated birthday gift to each other. Our birthdays were in August but we were waiting for the new iphone to release so we could get the iphone 6s for a discounted price. And apparently we waited too long because the 6s was all sold out and not available any time soon, BUT we could trade in our old phones for $400 towards the iphone 7, so... why not? Thank you, Verizon.

Anyway. Setting up my new phone and syncing it with all my stuff from my old phone took up the better part of last Wednesday night and the following morning. Downloading my apps, re-entering the passwords to use them, setting up email and voicemail, I dove in head first until it was exactly how I wanted it. I probably spent 2-3 hours on it when all was said and done.

Next I followed the instructions online to completely wipe my old phone so I could mail it in as a trade-in and get the $400 credit on my account. I did everything correctly and hit the final "reset" button and then clicked "yes" when asked if I was sure I wanted to permanently erase everything. Done.

And then I looked down at my lap and noticed my old iphone... not in my hands, but laying on the bed next to my knee. In my hands was my new phone. Newly erased of all the work I'd just completed.

DON'T BE LIKE ME. ME IS AN IDIOT.

The end.

Monday Confessional: The Bumbling Duo

{Ahhhh, the majestic sight of freshly sealed 1/2 gallon jars of grape juice!}

Last Saturday was grape juice and jelly making day at the Halverson homestead. Really, the only time of year I truly embrace my inner pioneer days spirit and make use of the fruits of our fields (aka: backyard.) As always, my mother came over to help me (because she is a saint), and together, we managed to harvest all of the grapes, make 4 batches of jelly, can six 1/2 gallon and four quart jars of juice, AND create a number of fiascos that had us laughing and crying throughout the whole day. 

First of all, while clearing out my sink to fill jars with hot water in preparation for hot grape juice, I grabbed an empty soup can by the lip and deeply sliced the inside of my thumb below the first joint. Probably the worst cut I've ever had... I might have even taken myself to the hospital for a couple of stitches if it hadn't been a Saturday and we didn't have Kaiser insurance (a combination that would have equated to a full day wasted in the waiting room.) Instead Mum bandaged me up and I tried to only use one hand the rest of the day. It didn't work. Thumbs are important, guys. 

Next, after cleaning up my hand, we decided to check on the first batch of grapes we had started steaming and discovered we'd forgotten to make sure the tube coming out the bottom of the steamer was squeezed shut, so hot grape juice was pouring across my concrete back patio and into the grass. TRAGEDY! We quickly closed it and mourned the loss of propably a quart of juice. Not the best start to our day!

After filling all of my 1/2 gallon jars without incident, we decided to move on to jelly and made our first double batch on my stove inside. I like to turn my jars over to help them seal after filling, and it was during this process that fiasco #3 occurred; a newly filled quart jar of hot jelly was accidentally dropped on the counter while being turned over and the lid hadn't been put on properly so it popped off and the entire contents poured all over the counter, engulfing all the other jars in a sticky mess, seeping through the tea towel they were all sitting on and oozing under my toaster. ANOTHER TRAGEDY! Homemade grape jelly is like GOLD in our house! Mum and I were horrifed but couldn't stop laughing, what were the odds?!!  

After that mess was cleaned up, I decided I needed to make an iced coffee and poured the last of the pot Russ had brewed into a tall glass and went to the fridge to get milk and ice. When I turned back around coffee was all over my other kitchen counter... the glass had cracked and while I was sad to have to toss it, the worst part was that there was no more coffee! Why, God? Why?!

After finishing laughing over our bumbled day, Mum had to head home and I decided to hold off on making my second double batch of jelly. I set aside the 10 cups of grape juice I'd steamed for it in my large cooking pot sitting ready on the stove, and put the lid on to keep till the next day. I did want to finish steaming the last of the grapes into more juice though, so I turned on my small saucepan of lid seals to simmer and it was only AN HOUR LATER, while wiping down my entire kitchen, that I discovered I'd turned the wrong burner on and had been slowly simmering away my reserved grape juice instead. 

Dang pioneer spirit! Look where it led me! I'd call the whole day a giant fail except, look at all my pretty jars all filled up and looking delicious! I think I still came out ahead ;)

Monday Confessional {more small confessions}

1. Yesterday I went shopping with my mum and sister to help them find dresses to wear to my brother's upcoming wedding. I already have my dress (two actually, purchased when I found them back in May because they were both such great deals and I loved them both), so I was solely along for the ride and playing the role of style advisor.

And that is the story of how I came home with a third dress.

Don't be like me.

2. Chick-Fil-A recently came to the state of Oregon and opened a location right in the area of town I do all of my shopping. After avoiding the long lines for the first couple of months, I finally made my way there and discovered their fresh squeezed lemonade, waffle fries and chicken sandwiches, and the all-important original sauce.

This picture was taken last Thursday night and it was my third visit in one week. 

I am in trouble. 

3. Last week we were given a large box of fresh-picked blueberries as a thank you gift.

After washing them, I reminded everyone not to eat too many at a time or they would deeply regret it... if you know what I mean. I then proceeded to ignore my own advice and ate and ate and ate, because they were just so delicious and tempting, and I don't think I have to explain why I may never be able to look at another blueberry again. 

I'm so sorry, dear digestive system. 

Monday confessional, over and ouuuuttttt. 

Monday Confessional - the late night edition

Time for a mom fail moment. Tonight was my turn to be the snack mom for Blake's t-ball game, something I'd put in my phone calendar AND set as a reminder alert so I wouldn't forget. Which is a good thing, since I STILL TOTALLY FORGOT. After my walk of shame back to the car afterwards with Blake ("sorry kiddo, no snacks because one of the moms forgot... I'm not sure who..."), Russ suggested I get myself a planner.

Look buddy, if a phone alarm going off the day before and then again an hour before an event (granted, an ignored alarm due to dinner time chaos and a race out the door to get our oldest son to practice on time) is not enough to help jog my memory... a written note to myself certainly isn't going to do any better.

My friend Valerie kindly reminded me that forgetting the snacks was not nearly as bad as forgetting a kid or something... and then said with a grin, "OH WAIT..."

YES. We all remember that time I left Blake behind at church, thank you very much. Haha. Good times. 

Monday Confessional: The Case of the Locked Keys

Enjoying a beautiful and relaxing Sunday afternoon outdoors, or stranded with two bickering children after locking my keys in my car? 

Sadly, the second scenario. 

And not only were we stranded, we were all the way up in NE Portland after watching Cooper's spring league basketball games at Benson High School. Roadside assistance estimated 40 minutes of wait time but took over an hour and a half to arrive. With only 10% phone battery, our entertainment options consisted of people watching from the high school's front lawn, playing a memory game I copied off of last week's Survivor episode (see my sad animal drawing attempts below), bartering for the one snack we had between the three of us - Cooper's mini pringles pack, and talking to the homeless people who accosted us (very friendly folks).

Survivor memory: the kids had 30 seconds to study the picture and then had to write out what the animals were and what number they were in the circle from memory. Quite entertaining, actually. 

And no, I don't know how to draw a dog. I do know I need a hide-a-key though!

Monday Night Confessional

- While I love the switch to daylight savings time in theory, I hate losing an hour of sleep. Yesterday we never even made it to church. So last night I made sure my kids' clocks were turned forward and their alarms set for school this morning, and then didn't wake up until Cooper burst into my room in a panic because school was starting RIGHT NOW and the boys had just woken up. The kids arrived at school 25 minutes late and I was a walking zombie.

So yeah, we're winning at daylight savings.

- Last weekend, after going 20+ years without ever backing into something with my car, I backed into a hotel parking lot lamp post and crunched my back bumper. I was like, "really?! That kind of sucks, but at least it wasn't someone's car." And then the very next morning I backed into someone's car.

WHAT THE FREAK.

I cried pretty hard, 100% due to intense mortification, and then spent the next hour absolutely mortified over how hard I'd cried.

Bottom line: the weekend will go down in history as the moment when Cooper, my poor car mate that morning, learned the hard lesson of how to (and how not to) properly console an overly emotional woman.

- Sometimes I want my husband to try on jeans that I think will look good on him and he refuses simply because they're not "loose fit". So I force him to try them on anyway because, well, I'm bossy about jeans, and then he comes out like this:

And we both die laughing. (Especially when he proceeds to shake his thing in front of everyone in the store so we can all observe that he was right and I was wrong. Dang it.)

Monday Confessional

While driving to work the other day, I was be-bopping along to the radio like the dork mom that I am (read: dancing in the car like a fool), when I realized... hey I kinda really like this song! It's so catchy! And kinda funny! 

So I shazammed that sucker (because I drive a 1999 suburban that doesn't have a fancy stereo that tells me the song title and artist, like those of you living in the current decade) and this is what the app brought up: "Love Yourself".

by... JUSTIN BIEBER.

And I swear I said outloud: "What? No. Wait, what? No! Really?! Oh crap NO!"

But the fact remains, I still like the song. (and dare I say it, the clever music video.)

This is a very conflicting time for me.

Monday Confessional: Christmas Edition

How does one love and look forward to Christmas as much as I do, and yet be so far behind in the Christmas preparations? I don't refer to the shopping part, I've had that covered since Thanksgiving weekend. I just refer to EVERYTHING ELSE.

We finally got our tree last Friday. THE 18TH OF DECEMBER. This was not the plan. The plan was to get it the first weekend of December, but basketball, torrential rain storm after torrential rain storm, and extremely busy schedules intervened, until the stars finally aligned and we had a free and dry afternoon. We set out in high spirits, and ended in a hail storm. I kid you not. Drenched. But we got our tree! It's beautiful.

{those streaks are giant rain drops}

And as of this morning, this is what it looks like.

What happened in between is that Blake had a school Christmas program Friday night.

and his final basketball game and awards Saturday afternoon.

In the meantime, Russ was gone working Saturday morning, and coaching a road trip game Saturday afternoon/evening, and since I don't trust myself to get a tree into a treestand successfully and make it straight, I decided to put lights up on the outside of the house instead, especially since, miracle of miracles, we had a dry, beautiful day Saturday. The problem with this plan being that I couldn't find our outdoor lights anywhere, and ended up using my tree lights.

Then Sunday morning we had our church Christmas service.

It was so lovely! But after coming home for lunch Russ put the tree up, I put on my ONE remaining strand of lights, and then plans to go buy more were foiled by Kendall coming down with a flu bug, a circumstance requiring constant moral support because she is quite the tearful patient. 

Lets hope things work out better today. Then, I can move on to actual present wrapping! 

That's right. I only have one gift wrapped.

Christmas superstar.

Monday Confessional

I have a secret quest in life: to ensure that my only daughter properly (and passionately) falls in love with all the same old books and movies that I have loved ever since I was her age. (Some true classics, some 80's & 90's classics!)

So far I've had about an 80% success rate... so I'm feeling pretty good about it. And I'm hugely enjoying my quest, especially when it means Kendall and I can go hide in my bedroom with the laptop or our books while sports games are going on in the living room! We've knocked out so many favorites and I have so many more still to introduce.

Biggest hits: Pride & Prejudice (watched 4 times now), My Fair Lady, The Fiddler on the Roof, The Princess Bride, Sleepless in Seattle, my entire Lori Wick book collection, and as of last night, Anne of Green Gables.

I originally introduced my dearest Anne a little too early, in both book & movie form, so Kendall remembered nothing except that she found the first book daunting and the movies boring. Oh was she pleasantly surprised yesterday! We had ourselves a little movie marathon, to be continued today, and she also found the books on my bookshelf and is ready to dive on in.)

{I love you, Anne Shirley! And now Kendall does too!}

Biggest failures: Grease, and Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. We are talking BOMBS, here. She walked out on me during the first one, saying it was way too racy and she was uncomfortable (while I was busy singing and bebopping along to Sandra Dee), and swore to never watch the second one again after the slightly disturbing forced wedding scene with Marian, Nottingham and the witch.

Girl's a prude. Err, I mean, MY BAD!

(Funny how many scenes you forget about when remembering movies you watched as a kid/teen!)

(Note to self: give her a year and try again ;)

Monday Night Confessional

This morning I took myself to the DMV to renew my driver's license because I received one of those little reminder cards in the mail telling me my license was expiring...

3 months ago.

(Sometimes I put important things on top of my dresser so I won't forget about them, and then forget about them for 3 months. I am ashamed.) 

I'm happy to report that I am once again a legal driver. And even though I forgot that I would have to have a new picture taken and wore a puffy vest, of all things, and had my hair in a messy bun on top of my head, the picture didn't turn out half-bad. So that's important to note.

{I don't think I'll ever top my 2007 license picture though. I'll miss you, 28 year old self!}

The Maiming of the Shrew {A Monday Confessional}

Upside to country living: fewer visits from Jehovah Witnesses.
Downside to country living: more visits from pests and rodents.

Last week the kids reported several black mouse sightings in the house, and in odd places for a mouse, like in the boys' bedroom and the hallway closet. Usually we catch our mice under the kitchen sink. (Sadly, at least once every few months.)

I moved a mouse trap to under the boys bed, but no luck, it got set off but nothing was caught. I had horrible flashbacks of the time a rat got in our house and kept setting off the traps, so asked Russ to set a rat trap for me, but before he got to it, I finally had my own sighting. And while it wasn't a rat, it wasn't a mouse either, it was a little black shrew, and I'm afraid to say that the circumstances of our meeting were unfortunate.

I was sitting on the toilet.

VULNERABLE AND UNARMED.

It scuttled out of who-knows-where, made a beeline for the closed door, couldn't fit under, so turned and ran straight towards my feet. My feet, people! It's safe to say that I panicked.

As in, squealed, lifted up my sandaled foot, and stomped on it. 

(Does this make me a redneck? My biggest fear is that this makes me a redneck.)

The next step was calling for backup... because I was afraid to lift up my foot in case it wasn't dead, and also because I didn't really want to see the aftermath of what I'd done. Russ came to my rescue and laughed when I finally lifted my foot.

Flat as a pancake, guys. Poor thing. May it rest in peace.

And not have any family members left in my house.

P.S. feel free to virtually high-five me for the corny title ;)

Monday Confessional - potty stop

We're going to file this one under: "why do these things happen to me?"

Picture this.

You're camping over the weekend with a large group at a pretty full campground. One morning you wake up early and need to go to the bathroom, so you decide to take your dog on a leash so she can go potty too. Your husband, waking up from your movements, decides he also needs to use the restroom, so you walk together down the row of camping sites to the group bathrooms, you waiting outside with the dog while your husband goes first, so he can take the dog when he's done.

Do you have that picture in your mind?

Next, out comes your husband, and as you hand him the dog leash and walk towards the ladies end he stops you and says, "what's that hanging off your backside?" And you look behind you and in horror realize a long trail of toilet paper is sticking out of the waistband of your sweatpants.

Now remember, you haven't gone to the bathroom yet.

This means it accidentally got stuck there when you visited the loo before climbing into your sleeping bag the night before, when you were a good "public restroom user" and put toilet paper down on the seat first (doubling it because it's the stupid single ply kind, making it extra long), and it somehow managed to stay attached in it's entirety THE ENTIRE NIGHT.

SINGLE PLY, PEOPLE.

I don't even know how that is possible. But of course, it happened to me.

{actual distance from our site to the bathrooms. aka - way too far to possibly go completely unnoticed, is what I'm thinking.}

I lead a charmed life, I tell ya! 

Monday Confessional - More Small Confessions

- School starts tomorrow and tonight I let Kendall stay up until almost 10:30pm watching Pride & Prejudice with me while I painted her nails because we've been listening to the audiobook together when driving around running errands and she actually likes it! And wanted to watch the movie! So I was all... watch it again for the 37th time? On the first night of the new school year? HECK YESSSS.

- Speaking of school starting tomorrow... we just finished school clothes shopping TODAY. Always on top of things, this mama.

- My boys drove me crazy today. So crazy, in fact, that I teared up with frustration while driving them home after new school haircuts (something very out of the norm for me), and had to clench my teeth to force myself not to say mean things that I would regret. Instead I made our busy day take a break, took Blake and myself to bed for a nap, and Cooper got to read on his bed (and not move or make any noises). Life was better after that. They were still obnoxious, but I didn't feel like driving myself off a cliff anymore.

- I turned 36 yesterday. 36 is no longer close to thirty. I'm on the shady side now... possibly in my "late thirties". I don't like that, to be honest. But I liked my birthday! Russ is away on a hunting trip so my parents took me out to lunch, and my girlfriends took me out to dinner and I was completely spoiled rotten by friends and family alike.

{Jana, Kelly, Valerie, myself, Kristie, & Christine}

And when Russ gets home (tomorrow!!!) he's taking me out on a birthday shopping date, so the fun continues, which I'm soooooo cool with ;)

- Possibly not so cool though: after telling my girlfriends about a fun trivia game we played in Sunriver, they stopped to buy it for me on our way home. And we may or may not have then opened it in the car and played it while driving. A trivia game. ON GIRLS NIGHT OUT. This is 36, folks. 

 

Monday Confessional: Blake edition

(found today while looking through the school books Blake brought home at the end of the school year. LOVE THIS KID.)

Preach it, Blake. We don't mess around with lying in our house ;)

Monday Confessional

I've fallen (into our new zero gravity lounge chairs) and I can't get up.

No, really. Russ sent me off to buy a pair of lounge chairs Saturday morning so that I could "keep him company" while he worked on trimming trees that afternoon. 

(Russ's idea of a perfect Saturday afternoon: working outside on our property, with his wife relaxing nearby to keep him company.

Jodi's idea of a perfect Saturday afternoon: reading in the sunshine and possibly taking a nap too.

WIN-WIN.)

Anyway, I'm sure Russ meant zero gravity loungers when he said "lounge chair thingys", so that's what I was kind enough to purchase. And that's where I stayed the rest of the weekend!

Saturday afternoon's view. Very enjoyable.

Sunday evening's view. Miley approves.

These two approve as well. 

Happy Monday! You'll know where to find me!

Monday Confessional: the bad wife

Friday night Russell coached his basketball team to victory in the District Championship game to secure the #1 seed berth to State from our league. He also was awarded league Coach of the Year, and many of his players (including my niece) were named to all-league teams and the all-tournament team (including league player of the year!)

{Picture courtesy of the Molalla Pioneer}

Basically, awards and honors were being handed out left and right.

And where was I?

AT BURGER KING.

(Massive wife fail times ONE MILLION.) 

What happened is that we were beating the other team quite handily and so Jana and I, who had ridden up together with our kids and arrived at the district site early enough to secure good seats, decided to run get dinner for our crew at the end of the 3rd quarter so that we would be back in time to make sure no one took our spots for the boys game that was going to follow, forgetting ALL ABOUT the awards part of the evening. What kind of veteran coach's wife (we are talking 15 years here, people) makes that kind of mistake?

This goofball.

Thankfully, Russell was so busy being congratulated by everyone else that when I came back and immediately found him to give him a hug and a kiss he didn't even know I hadn't been there the whole time! 

AND WE'RE GOING TO KEEP IT THAT WAY FOLKS. Wink, wink ;)

Monday Confessional: I feel old

Yesterday, while over at my in-law's house, Cooper discovered a box of outdated stuff cleaned out from a friend's garage.

He picked this out of the box, tuned it to a radio station, and came over to Russ and I over-the-moon excited... "Mom, Dad, I got it to work!"

I said, "What? a cassette tape?"

Cooper: "No, the radio!"

Me: "Oh was it broken?"

Cooper: "No. But it's actually playing!"

Me: "I don't understand why this is exciting..."

Cooper: "This is VINTAGE! It's in Guardians of the Galaxy!"

And that's when we realized Cooper had never seen a walkman before, except in a movie. 

Listen. If stuff from the 90's is already being considered "vintage" then I'm in a whole heap of trouble. 

(Off to show Cooper what a discman is now...)