What to do when you're sick - a tutorial

Notes from this past Tuesday...

1. Raid your husband's dwindling prescription pseudoephedrine and mentally curse all meth users for causing it be taken off the market because it's the only decongestant that works on your nose. 

2. Attempt to start your day with purpose but give up on the idea of actually achieving anything by 10:00 am and climb back in bed for the first nap of the day. 

3. Remember the old adage: "feed a cold" and raid your children's candy stash, taking all the good chocolate.

4. Catch up on The Amazing Race.

5. Catch up on Survivor.

6. Let your kids park in front of the TV, convincing yourself that endless hours of cartoons and Wii Lego Batman can't do that much harm. 

7. Wander around your home staring at all the housework that should be done before climbing back into bed for your second nap of the day. 

8. When your husband calls to tell you that he tweaked his neck at work and can barely turn it, pretend to empathize for at least 5 seconds before explaining that your head HAS EXPLODED and you are the one that needs feeling sorry for.

9. Put a bra on, it's almost 5:00 pm. 

10. Take off your bra, it's almost 8:00 pm, thank heavens!

11. At bedtime, explain to your children that bible time is not going to happen because Daddy's away coaching a basketball game and  "mommy's brain is zapped".

12. Explain the meaning of "zapped".

13. Unwittingly demonstrate the meaning of "zapped" by walking into the wall as you turn to leave the kids' room.

14. Curl up in front of the fire and watch past seasons of Monk on Netflix, nursing your bruised ego and eating half a dozen or so Lil' Cuties (seedless mandarins) and drinking a cup or 3 of white hot chocolate. Mmmmm, almost makes up for being sick :)


Difficulty level: amazingly easy, would you believe it?!